We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
