the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
