I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
