you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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