it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My feet surprised me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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