Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
