So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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