So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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