All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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