Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
