I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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