True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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