Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
