his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
