we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
