i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
there's paper in my vomit.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
