My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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