How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
