i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
