I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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