you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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