Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
