We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Pants are for mortals
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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