Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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