8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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