This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
