just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
