During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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