i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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