the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
