and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
