1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
