I hate your face
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
