I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
