my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
