I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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