I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
