JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
