Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
