I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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