just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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