I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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