If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Shame - the story of my life.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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