He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
