Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
