I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
