but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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