Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
