I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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