Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
