just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
