Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
