Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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