I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
