he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
