I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
