She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
