We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
