i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize