alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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