dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
