So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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