Your dad touched me again.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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