"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
