I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
