I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
