I cannot find my penis.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
