there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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