I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
