lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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