So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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