I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you win again, gameday.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
