Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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