i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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