If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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