Welp...herpes.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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