i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
