Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
