We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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