Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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