Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
