The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
