I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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