summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
