I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
