remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
