My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
