Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
