Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize