The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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