I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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