a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
