One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
