he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
