i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize