I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Operation Purity has been aborted
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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