I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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