Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
