I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
