he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I love having hate sex.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
