Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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