I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
