Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
