a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize